PRACTICE #1: AWARENESS
PRACTICE #1: Practice Awareness Skills
Instructions for Practicing Awareness
Part of preventing and managing conflict and improving our interpersonal relationships involves being more aware — of our own behaviors and the impact that they have on others, of other people’s emotions and reactions and situations, of circumstances that might contribute to conflict, of how even subtle changes can influence situations, etc. There aren’t really any specific rules for practicing awareness, so you can design your own challenge for this one! Think of ways that you can practice awareness in your own life, and try doing some of those things. That might involve being more “mindful” of your own feelings and behaviors, paying more attention to others, taking the time to notice things that maybe you didn’t really pay much attention to before. As we go through some of the materials, you may get ideas on things to pay attention to. Experiment with some different approaches to being more aware. Describe what you did, what the experience was like, and how it impacted your interactions with others. Did it help you to prevent or manage conflict more effectively? (You may find that these also help you with your listening skills practice.)
Some examples of things you might do:
• For three days, pay attention to the conflict styles that you use, and the styles that other people use. Describe in detail the situations. (Remember, you’re writing for someone who wasn’t there, so you need to explain what happened.) If looking at your own styles, what influenced your choice of style, or did you find yourself automatically using that style without really thinking about it? How did the other person react, and how did it impact the dynamics of the situation? Did you find yourself changing styles at any point — if so, why, and how did that work? If you’re observing others or reacting to another person’s style, do a similar analysis. What did you learn from the experience?
• Or, for three days, pay attention to the times when you’re tempted to use “roadblocks” when you’re communicating, or how often others use roadblocks. In what situations do these cause problems, and when do they seem to be okay? How do you react when others use them, and how do they react when you use them. You might also practice trying NOT to use roadblocks. How much of a challenge is this? What techniques did you use that were helpful or not helpful? What did you learn from the experience?
• Or, for three days, try turning off your cell phone for at least part of the day and focus on listening and observing what’s going on around you! What might you see or hear that you aren’t normally aware of? How does this impact how you feel and how you interact with others? Is this difficult for you to do? What did you learn from the experience?
• Or, take some time to notice and acknowlege people that you don’t usualy pay much attention to, and observe their reactions. Maybe it’s talking with the person bagging your groceries or cleaning your dorm, or acknowledging people as you walk by them on campus, or striking up a conversation with someone that you wouldn’t ordinarily talk to. What was the experience like? How did people react? How did it make you feel? What did you learn from the experience?
• Or create your own challenge and try it out for at least three days. Describe what your “awareness” challenge was, why you chose it, and what your experiences were. What did you learn from the experience?
WRITING THE PAPER(S)
Content of your paper(s) –
In writing about your experience in practicing awareness:
• Describe what you decided to do for this challenge.
• Provide a detailed description of what your experience was.
• What challenges did you face in this situation and how did you handle them?
• What insights did you gain from this experience?
• Relate this experience to the self-awareness and/or social awareness aspects of emotional intelligence. (Refer back to the handouts on emotional intelligence.) How did this practice help to enhance either your self-awareness or your social awareness?
Format –
Papers should be typed, double-spaced. Use a 12-point font that is easily readable (Times New Roman is recommended, but not required). Use 1 inch margins on all sides. Use page numbering. The title of the paper, your name and the class and semester should appear at the top of the first page as follows:
Practice/Reflection Paper
Student Name (replace this with your name)
Intro to Conflict Management – Summer I 2017
If written as one paper, each Practice Section should be labeled with a heading to identify which practice it is (Awareness, Listening, Assertive Communication, Principled Negotiation).
Length –
There is not a specific length requirement for these papers, though a reasonable expectation would be that at least two pages would be written about each skills practice (probably more). You could easily write more, depending on the complexity of the situation and the thoroughness of your discussion and analysis. An IN-DEPTH discussion and analysis is expected. You will be expected to provide all of the information requested for the assignment, present sufficient detail that I can understand what was happening in each situation (names can be changed to protect the innocent or guilty if need be), and demonstrate a good understanding and analysis of each situation and how the concepts we’ve been studying apply in that situation.
Expectations –
The goal of these assignments is for you to practice your awareness, listening, assertion and principled negotiation skills, and to be able to identify which skills are most valuable in a given situation.
Your papers should clearly explain the situation(s), accurately identify the skills used, and assess the impact of those skills. Papers will be evaluated on your demonstrated understanding of and ability to apply what we’ve learned, the thoroughness of your analysis, insights, and the quality of your presentation of the information
How to Do Well on This Assignment –
Follow instructions! Make a sincere effort to actually practice the skills. (It’s even okay if they didn’t work, as long as you can reflect upon the experience and figure out why they didn’t work or what could have been done differently.) Include all of the information requested in the instructions — that’s what I’ll be looking for. Do some in-depth analysis of how things went, and demonstrate what you learned from the experience.
PRACTICE #2: LISTENING
Instructions for Practicing Listening Skills
Once you’ve learned about how to avoid roadblocks and use attending, following and reflecting skills covered in the People Skills book (Chapters 2 through 7), practice using your best listening skills in your everyday life. After practicing these skills in a number of your interactions with others, describe at least one situation where you were able to use your listening skills extensively.
Listening skills to practice:
• Avoiding Roadblocks
• Attending Skills
• Following Skills
• Reflecting Skills (paraphrasing, reflecting feelings, reflecting meanings, summative reflections)
Some ideas for utilizing your listening skills:
• Take some time to learn more about other people in your life. How much do you really know about your roommate and what it was like for them growing up? Do you know how your parents or grandparents met and what attracted them to each other? Do you know why people you know here decided to come to Kent State and what their hope and dreams are? Sometimes even people we think we know, we really don’t know much about at all. Take some time to learn more about the people in your life, and really listen to their stories. What did you learn that you didn’t know before? Did this information give you any insights into why this person behaves the way that they do, or change your perception of them in any way? How did it make you feel to listen to their stories? (Note: There’s a neat app called StoryCorps that you could use on your phone or iPod/iPad, that is designed for recording interviews with people that you can send in to be part of an historical archive. Learn more about it here: http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=6202 (This exercise could also be used to practice your listening skills for Practice #2, if you wait until we’ve covered those in class.)
• Want a bit more of a challenge? You could try doing a “Listening Project” by using your listening skills with someone who disagrees with you on a social or political issue that you feel strongly about — instead of arguing, listen and ask questions to learn more about their views! That’s a bit more challenging to do, but can produce some interesting results.
• Want to get some ideas for your YES! Essay? You could discuss the YES! essay topic with people you know and get their thoughts on the topic. (Can you listen without arguing?)
WRITING THE PAPER
Content of your paper –
In writing about your experiences:
• Describe the situation(s).
• Discuss in detail which specific skills that you used and why.
• Analyze how the use of these skills impacted the dynamics of the situation and how your use of these skills impacted both you and the other person.
• What challenges did you face in this situation and how did you handle them?
• What was the outcome?
• Discuss which skills were the most valuable in this situation.
• Reflect upon your experiences, what was most difficult, what was easiest, and what you’ve learned.
Format –
Papers should be typed, double-spaced. Use a 12-point font that is easily readable (Times New Roman is recommended, but not required). Use 1 inch margins on all sides. Use page numbering. The title of the paper, your name and the class and semester should appear at the top of the first page as follows:
Practice/Reflection Paper
Student Name (replace this with your name)
Intro to Conflict Management – Summer I 2017
If written as one paper, each Practice Section should be labeled with a heading to identify which practice it is (Awareness, Listening, Assertive Communication, Principled Negotiation). If written as separate papers, include which practice you are writing about in the paper heading.
Length –
There is not a specific length requirement for these papers, though a reasonable expectation would be that at least two pages would be written about each skills practice (probably more). You could easily write more, depending on the complexity of the situation and the thoroughness of your discussion and analysis. An IN-DEPTH discussion and analysis is expected. You will be expected to provide all of the information requested for the assignment, present sufficient detail that I can understand what was happening in each situation (names can be changed to protect the innocent or guilty if need be), and demonstrate a good understanding and analysis of each situation and how the concepts we’ve been studying apply in that situation.
Expectations –
The goal of these assignments is for you to practice your awareness, listening, assertion and principled negotiation skills, and to be able to identify which skills are most valuable in a given situation.
Your papers should clearly explain the situation(s), accurately identify the skills used, and assess the impact of those skills. Papers will be evaluated on your demonstrated understanding of and ability to apply what we’ve learned, the thoroughness of your analysis, insights, and the quality of your presentation of the information
How to Do Well on This Assignment –
Follow instructions! Make a sincere effort to actually practice the skills. (It’s even okay if they didn’t work, as long as you can reflect upon the experience and figure out why they didn’t work or what could have been done differently.) Include all of the information requested in the instructions — that’s what I’ll be looking for. Do some in-depth analysis of how things went, and demonstrate what you learned from the experience.
PRACTICE #3: ASSERTION
Instructions for Practicing Assertion Skills
Once you have reviewed the material and have become familiar with the process of assertive communication covered in Chapters 8 through 10 of the People Skills book, find an opportunity to practice using an assertion message, using the guidelines from People Skills (Chapters 8 through 10) and the handout. (This could be anything from trying to get better service in a restaurant, to talking to a roommate or family member about ways to improve your relationship, to getting up the courage to ask for a raise at work.) Before you experiment, think about how you might communicate your needs (being specific, non-judgmental, etc.) and how you might handle a defensive response. Then give it a try! (Pay attention to your nonverbal communication as well.)
Assertion skills to practice:
• Preparing and using a three-part assertion message (either Bolton, Rosenberg or Ellison version)
• Handling defensive responses by recycling the process (if needed)
• Paying attention to nonverbal cues in your delivery
WRITING THE PAPER
Content of your paper –
In writing about your experiences:
• Describe the situation(s).
• Discuss in detail which specific skills that you used and why.
• Analyze how the use of these skills impacted the dynamics of the situation and how your use of these skills impacted both you and the other person.
• What challenges did you face in this situation and how did you handle them?
• What was the outcome?
• Discuss which skills were the most valuable in this situation.
• Reflect upon your experiences, what was most difficult, what was easiest, and what you’ve learned.
Format –
Papers should be typed, double-spaced. Use a 12-point font that is easily readable (Times New Roman is recommended, but not required). Use 1 inch margins on all sides. Use page numbering. The title of the paper, your name and the class and semester should appear at the top of the first page as follows:
Practice/Reflection Paper
Student Name (replace this with your name)
Intro to Conflict Management – Summer I 2017
If written as one paper, each Practice Section should be labeled with a heading to identify which practice it is (Awareness, Listening, Assertive Communication, Principled Negotiation). If written as separate papers, include which practice you are writing about in the paper heading.
Length –
There is not a specific length requirement for these papers, though a reasonable expectation would be that at least two pages would be written about each skills practice (probably more). You could easily write more, depending on the complexity of the situation and the thoroughness of your discussion and analysis. An IN-DEPTH discussion and analysis is expected. You will be expected to provide all of the information requested for the assignment, present sufficient detail that I can understand what was happening in each situation (names can be changed to protect the innocent or guilty if need be), and demonstrate a good understanding and analysis of each situation and how the concepts we’ve been studying apply in that situation.
Expectations –
The goal of these assignments is for you to practice your awareness, listening, assertion and principled negotiation skills, and to be able to identify which skills are most valuable in a given situation.
Your papers should clearly explain the situation(s), accurately identify the skills used, and assess the impact of those skills. Papers will be evaluated on your demonstrated understanding of and ability to apply what we’ve learned, the thoroughness of your analysis, insights, and the quality of your presentation of the information
How to Do Well on This Assignment –
Follow instructions! Make a sincere effort to actually practice the skills. (It’s even okay if they didn’t work, as long as you can reflect upon the experience and figure out why they didn’t work or what could have been done differently.) Include all of the information requested in the instructions — that’s what I’ll be looking for. Do some in-depth analysis of how things went, and demonstrate what you learned from the experience.
PRACTICE #4: PRINCIPLED NEGOTIATION
Instructions for Practicing Principled Negotiation Skills
Life presents us with numerous opportunities to negotiate. These opportunities don’t necessarily always involve conflict, and aren’t always over something major like buying a house or a car or your salary. Maybe you need to negotiate with friends or family about what you’re doing over the weekend, or who gets to use the car this week, or who should do the household chores. You may need to negotiate to get a day off work, or how you’re going to pay your electric bill. Or maybe you want to get your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse to do something for you. Look for situations where you can use the principled negotiation skills you’ve learned in Getting to Yes, try them out and see how they work for you. Use the four principles, think about your BATNA, and if you run into a difficult situation, try some of the suggestions for handling those difficult negotiations.
Principled negotiation skills to practice:
• Utilizing the four principles (discuss each of the four principles individually in your paper)
• Developing a BATNA
• If necessary, dealing with difficult issues (such as power disparities, positional bargainers, or dirty tricks)
WRITING THE PAPER
Content of your paper –
In writing about your experiences:
• Describe the situation(s).
• Discuss in detail which specific skills that you used and why.
• Analyze how the use of these skills impacted the dynamics of the situation and how your use of these skills impacted both you and the other person.
• What challenges did you face in this situation and how did you handle them?
• What was the outcome?
• Discuss which skills were the most valuable in this situation.
• Reflect upon your experiences, what was most difficult, what was easiest, and what you’ve learned.
Format –
Papers should be typed, double-spaced. Use a 12-point font that is easily readable (Times New Roman is recommended, but not required). Use 1 inch margins on all sides. Use page numbering. The title of the paper, your name and the class and semester should appear at the top of the first page as follows:
Practice/Reflection Paper
Student Name (replace this with your name)
Intro to Conflict Management – Summer I 2017
If written as one paper, each Practice Section should be labeled with a heading to identify which practice it is (Awareness, Listening, Assertive Communication, Principled Negotiation). If written as separate papers, include which practice you are writing about in the paper heading.
Length –
There is not a specific length requirement for these papers, though a reasonable expectation would be that at least two pages would be written about each skills practice (probably more). You could easily write more, depending on the complexity of the situation and the thoroughness of your discussion and analysis. An IN-DEPTH discussion and analysis is expected. You will be expected to provide all of the information requested for the assignment, present sufficient detail that I can understand what was happening in each situation (names can be changed to protect the innocent or guilty if need be), and demonstrate a good understanding and analysis of each situation and how the concepts we’ve been studying apply in that situation.
Expectations –
The goal of these assignments is for you to practice your awareness, listening, assertion and principled negotiation skills, and to be able to identify which skills are most valuable in a given situation.
Your papers should clearly explain the situation(s), accurately identify the skills used, and assess the impact of those skills. Papers will be evaluated on your demonstrated understanding of and ability to apply what we’ve learned, the thoroughness of your analysis, insights, and the quality of your presentation of the information
How to Do Well on This Assignment –
Follow instructions! Make a sincere effort to actually practice the skills. (It’s even okay if they didn’t work, as long as you can reflect upon the experience and figure out why they didn’t work or what could have been done differently.) Include all of the information requested in the instructions — that’s what I’ll be looking for. Do some in-depth analysis of how things went, and demonstrate what you learned from the experience.
