Ethics and Self-Disclosure
Background
Self-disclosure is the primary vehicle people use to communicate their private selves to
others in interpersonal relationships. Yet choosing when and how to self-disclose or ask for
self-disclosure can be tricky, particularly when ethical considerations are involved. Read
the following case study, and work through the five steps that follow to learn how you can
ethically self-disclose.
Case Study
You work for Jaime, a longtime family friend who owns a small but thriving business.
Before you started the job, Jaime made a deal with you: she would pay your college tuition
if you promised to work for her for three years following graduation. Her generosity made it
possible for you to get your BA – something you never could have afforded otherwise.
Needless to say, you feel very loyal to Jaime.
A few months ago, Jaime hired Jonathan, whom you’ve known since grade school.
Jonathan’s public self is impressive: he’s funny, charming, and intelligent. He manages to
cheer you up no matter what’s happening in your life. but you’ve always wondered
whether his public self is really just a mask. Jonathan doesn’t let people into his central
self; he keeps everyone, including you, at a distance. Whenever conversations get too
personal, he cracks a joke. And over the years, no matter what the situation – a group
project, dinner out, or weekend trips with friends – things always seem to miraculously
work out so that Jonathan contributes the least and benefits the most. You can’t help but
wonder whether he’s a nice guy with incredible luck or someone who constantly
manipulates the situations to his advantage.
One day, you learn that Jaime has just made the same tuition offer to Jonathan, and he
has accepted. You and Jonathan go out to celebrate. But when you toast Jaime’s
generosity, Jonathan laughs and says, “To the suckers of the world!” When you tell him
how excited you are that you’ll be working together for several more years, Jonathan says,
“We’ll see.” You suddenly have the uncomfortable feeling that he’s planning to renege on
his end of the deal. You decide to press him: “You’re not planning on bailing on Jaime after
she pays your tuition, are you?” Jonathan hesitates for a moment, then suddenly smiles
and shifts into joke mode. “Do you have a wiretap on you or something? Are you Jaime’s
little spy?”
You realize you can’t press Jonathan further without disclosing your long-term suspicions
about his hidden self or forcing him to disclose something he obviously doesn’t want to
discuss. At the same time, your loyalty to Jaime compels you to discover the truth about
his motives.
Your Turn
Think about the interpersonal communication skills and insights you gained while reading
the text. Work through the following five steps, which will give you practice making
thoughtful interpersonal communication choices in your relationships. Remember, there is
no one right answer, so think hard about what choice you will make.
Use the following steps for developing your recommendations. Include your reactions to
each step. Your goal is to eventually come up with a set of recommendations to achieve
the optimal relationship outcome (Step 5).
• Step 1: Reflect on yourself. What are your thoughts and feelings about Jonathan? Is
your impression of him and his motives accurate, or could you be mistaken? Do
you feel more loyal to Jonathan or to Jaime? What role should loyalty play in
shaping your relationship choice?
• Step 2: Reflect on your partner. Put yourself in Jonathan’s shoes. What is he
thinking and feeling about you? What is his perspective on Jaime’s tuition offer? Is
his viewpoint legitimate?
• Step 3: Identify the optimal outcome. What’s the most constructive relationship
outcome for you and Jonathan? Can you maintain your relationship with Jonathan
and your loyalty to Jaime? Consider what’s best not only for you but for all those
involved as well.
• Step 4: Locate the roadblocks. Taking into consideration your own thoughts and
feelings, those of Jonathan, and all that has happened in this situation, what is
keeping you from achieving the optimal outcome you defined in Step 3?
• Step 5: Chart your course. What might you say to Jonathan to overcome the
roadblocks and achieve your optimal relationship outcome?
Your analysis should be 350-700 words (about 1-1/2 to 2 pages, although longer is fine)
and include at least two (2) references to the text (one or more of the chapters covered in
the course by the due date).
Please follow APA academic standards in submitting your work (i.e., typed, 12-point Times
or Courier font, double spaced, 1-inch margins, student names, due date, etc.).
