Your job is to make this message more effective; in other words, when a reader is finished with *your* version, he or she will be willing (and maybe even happy!) to comply with your main idea. To achieve this goal, you will need to follow the principles you have studied so far in this class. Among these are the deductive (routine or good news) strategy, the inductive (negative or bad news) strategy, the “you” perspective, audience benefits, positive language, and clear and concise wording.
Some grammatical errors and awkward sentences also need correction.
Here’s what you need to do:
You will be revising this message twice. In the first version, you will use the deductive strategy with which you are already familiar (look back at Unit 1). In the second version, you will use the inductive (bad news) strategy as explained in Unit 7. In other words, you will be submitting two messages for evaluation. Each message is worth 50 points for a total of 100 points for this assignment. TURN IN BOTH MESSAGES IN A SINGLE DOCUMENT.
• Use the deductive strategy on your first revision. Assume that your audience will be receptive to the idea of a time clock system. Label this version as “Message 3a.” See the lectures for Unit 1 for more information on this strategy.
• Use the inductive strategy on your second revision. Assume that your audience will be hostile to the idea of a time clock system. Follow the “Hamburger Model” described in the lecture videos. Label this version as “Message 3b.” See the lecture videos in Unit 7 for details on this strategy.
• For both revisions, follow these guidelines:
o Use memo format.
o Re-write the message so that it reflects the “you” perspective.
o Keep the main idea of the message; you will need to revise or eliminate negative language or content.
o You may ADD content if you wish.
o Edit the message so that the language is clear, concise, and grammatically correct. Again, you may want to enlist a friend or family member to help you edit.
Memorandum
To: All Staff
From: Director
Date: September 1, 2014
Subject: Time Card Cheaters
It has come to my attention that many of you are lying on your time cards. If you come in late, you should not put 8:00 on your card. If you take a long lunch, you should not put 1:00 on your time card.
I will not stand for this type of cheating. I simply have no choice but to institute a time-clock system. Beginning next Monday, all employees will have to punch in and punch out whenever they come and go from the work area.
The time clock will be right by the entrance to each work area so you have no excuse for not punching in. Anyone who is late for work or late coming back from lunch more than three times will have to answer to me. I don’t care if you had to take a nap or if you girls had to shop. This is a place of business, and we do not want to be taken advantage of by slackers who are cheaters to boot.
